Category: Life

Categories
Life

Coins

Yesterday, I saw an article about how the closures of in-person retail operations during the pandemic has led to a coin shortage here in the U.S. Apparently, the reduction of physical currency through the purchasing system means that pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters aren’t being passed around in the typical volume.

The shortage isn’t cause for alarm. It will eventually correct itself as business reopens. But it is one of those things that makes me think, “Hmmmm. That’s interesting.”

It’s one of those things that reminds me that the world contains countless connections, seen and unseen, obvious and surprising. Pull on one thread, and the pattern on the far side of the picture becomes distorted. Flapping wings of a butterfly lead to a hurricane on the other side of the planet, etc.

I will say that, if I pulled out all the spare change rattling around at the bottom of my purse, I could probably help solve a lot of the coin shortage. The purse/coin situation is a bit like the hanger/closet situation – put 2 or 3 of them into a space together, return later to discover they’ve magically multiplied to 20 or 30.

In any event, it was an intriguing news story. Something to think about as I enjoy my Thursday cuppa.

Categories
Life People

Tall

“If you can only be tall because someone else is on their knees, then you have a serious problem.” – Toni Morrison

Categories
Adventures Life

Aliens

My perspective on aliens was greatly influenced by the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Directed by Stephen Spielberg and released in 1977, it tells the story of of a small group of people, each affected by personal encounters with alien visitors, each on a journey to make sense of their experiences and learn the truth.

For a time when I was a youngster, I was obsessed with this movie. I don’t specifically remember seeing it in the theater, but that was the only way to see movies back then, so I must have. I’ve seen it many, many times over the years since then.

A companion book, which told the exact same story but in written form, was released around the same time as the movie. As a kid, I read (and re-read) everything I could get my hands on, including this book. Even today, I can remember parts of the book word-for-word.

There was also a soundtrack (on vinyl) that I listened to over and over. I loved the part where the aliens and the humans communicate with a musical sound-off, back and forth, the notes blending together. In the movie, that scene includes flashing lights, with different colors representing the various notes and tones.

You might say I was a weird kid, being so fascinated by these things. And yes, I would probably agree. In my defense, however, it’s not unusual for kids to become obsessed with things. Ask any parent who’s listened to multiple descriptions of the most minute Minecraft creations or who instinctively cringe just a bit when they hear, yet again, the theme song to a popular kids’ show that seems to be everywhere (all the time it never goes away there it is once more it never stops).

Anyway. Aliens. I believed, based on CEotTK, that it was entirely possible that aliens existed, and that one day, when they thought we were ready, when the time was right, they’d show themselves to us Earthlings. Later, E.T. the Extraterrestrial came along (also a Spielberg movie), reinforcing this hopeful belief.

And then, in college, I took an Astronomy class called E.T. – The Search for Extraterrestrial Life, during which we worked through the Drake Equation and came to the conclusion that the likelihood of a Spielbergian event actually happening is just about zero.

Crash. Burn. For a while, the possibility of alien magic vanished.

But then one day, I saw the movie Contact. I didn’t become obsessed with it as I had with CEotTK. It did, however, restore my hope in the possibility of aliens. A more educated, wiser, pragmatic hope, certainly, but the magic came back.

This morning, as I was waiting for the coffee to perk, I read a news story about the recent discovery of fast, repeating radio bursts coming from a distant galaxy. The pattern is radio bursts for 90 days, followed by 60 days of silence, then the radio bursts start over.

It’s likely the pattern has nothing whatsoever to do with aliens, that it’s caused by some type of natural galactic event.

Then again, maybe that’s what the aliens want us to believe.

Categories
Life People

Anne

Growing up, I was taught to believe that age brings wisdom, that those who know best have been around for a long time. I might be smart, I might be informed, but when the elders speak, whatever is in question is decided, and whatever is decided is correct.

Being raised with that perspective isn’t unusual. Children, especially very young children, don’t have the life experience or the knowledge necessary to safely navigate the world; that is why parents, caregivers, and other adults protect and teach them. Respect for our elders is logical. Cultivating and encouraging that perspective is an effective means of safeguarding our offspring.

It makes sense, then, to believe that children should be seen and not heard. Except – there are times when children are wise. There are times when children know best.

Consider Anne Frank. Anne and her family hid from the Nazis, beginning when Anne was 13 years old. She and her family were discovered, arrested, and sent to concentration camps when she was 15 years old.

During her years in hiding, Anne kept a diary, documenting daily life and her thoughts and feelings. She was a teenager living in extreme and terrifying circumstances, which undoubtedly influenced her perspective. But in most ways, she was still a child, with limited knowledge and experience beyond her home, her school, her family and friends.

As a child, she wrote enduring words of wisdom and insight that have been and continue to be shared around the world. Her words remind us that understanding, awareness, and intelligence take time to develop, but they are not uniquely linked to age. Wisdom is gained when we listen and observe, believing in the power of hope and kindness; when we are steadfast in our values but open to possibilities, respectful of differences, willing to connect, eager to share.

Today, June 12, is Anne Frank’s birthday. Today’s cuppa celebrates her spirit and the wisdom of children. There are many lessons they can teach us, if we are ready to learn.

Categories
Life

Answer

”The best way to view a present problem is to give it all you’ve got, to study it and its nature, to perceive within it the intrinsic interrelationships, to discover the answer to the problem within the problem itself.” – Abraham Maslow

Categories
Family Life

Nest

The other day, a friend asked if my husband and I will be “empty nesters” now that our youngest son has finished high school.

The simple answer is yes. Come September, that is what we expect will happen. That’s the natural order of things, right?

The kids grow up, they move out, start their own lives. They stay in touch, they come home for holidays and special occasions. If they live nearby, they might drop by just to say hi, have a meal, take the dog for a walk.

But then, they return to their homes. They no longer sleep under your roof. They are no longer living in your nest.

Here’s the thing, however – life comes at you fast. And sometimes, when the unexpected happens, your nest is the best place; the most convenient, or comforting, or cheapest, or safest place. Sometimes, the kids end up back in your nest, even if only temporarily.

My husband and I expect that we will soon be empty nesters. We enthusiastically support our sons’ steps toward independence; we are proud of the young men they’ve become and are still becoming. We’re also looking forward to life as a couple, just the two of us, for the first time in decades.

We also know that the nest may not always be empty. And, that’s okay with us. We, like all parents, want what’s best for our children – even after they’ve grown up. If what’s best is for them to return home, we’ll always make room for them to do so. I suspect most parents feel the same way.

While the simple answer is yes, the real answer is more complicated. The term “empty nesters” may only refer to a period of time, not a permanent state of being.

So, here’s a cuppa for all of us who watch as our children fly from our nests, knowing that it’s a good and exciting and happy part of life. And, here’s a cuppa for all of us who know that, should the time come, we’ll also open our arms and our hearts to welcome them back.


Categories
Life

And

I woke up this morning thinking about a communication technique that I learned a while back: replace the word “but” with the word “and”.

This tiny change can shift a conversation from adversarial to advocacy.

That’s a great idea, and how do we make it happen?

I see your point, and I will add this thought…

We should try that plan, and we can put these steps in place to improve the chances that it will work the way we want it to.

I wish I could say that I’ve consistently adopted this technique. Unfortunately, it is hard to break the “but” habit. I’ve found, however, that when I do make the effort to use “and” in place of “but,” I spend less time defending and more time achieving.

Of course, switching from “but” to “and” isn’t always the right choice. “And” implies agreement, acceptance. Two or more possibilities, each being an option. Sometimes, there isn’t – there can’t be – an either/or. Sometimes, you have to take a stand.

But (and yes, I chose to use “but” in this case), in situations where “and” might work, it’s worth a try. Who knows where it might lead?

Categories
Family Life

Graduation

My youngest son graduates from high school today.

It’s natural to think about time on a day like today. From a linear perspective, I see the years by looking back and remembering. I see the future when I imagine the moments to come.

But some believe that time is circular, not linear.

If so, I am now and still always will be rocking him to sleep, reading him bedtime stories, admiring his LEGO creations, taking him trick-or-treating, helping him pack his camping gear. I’m listening to him as he describes his scientific experiments and short story ideas. I’m laughing at something funny he says. I’m watching him blow out his birthday candles and buying him new shoes again and again and again as he grows from tiny baby to young man.

And, I am now and still always will be watching him extend his hand to accept the diploma that signifies the end of one journey and the start of another.

Regardless of a linear or circular perspective, time is a continuous event. As is my love for him. Never ending.

Categories
Life People

Path

In the 1960s, psychologist Stanley Milgram conducted experiments to gain insight into the concepts of obedience and conformity.

In these experiments, participants (volunteers) were told that the study was intended to gather information about learning. The participants were instructed to deliver electric shocks when their “learning partner” made a mistake. These shocks would increase in intensity each time a new mistake was made.

However, the electric shocks weren’t real, and the experiment wasn’t what it appeared. Although they didn’t know it, the participants were actually the ones being evaluated. Their “learning partners” were part of the evaluation teams conducting the experiments. Also included in these teams were the people wearing white lab coats and giving directions.

What is the most well-known outcome of these experiments? That most of the participants continued giving electric shocks all the way to the point where it appeared that their learning partner was no longer responsive. These were ordinary people who wouldn’t otherwise be considered violent or evil; they were simply doing as they were told.

The implications are stunning. What’s not as widely acknowledged about these experiments, however, is that there was a percentage of people who did not comply, especially in situations in which the experimental environment and instructions were modified.

What were the greatest influencers of outcomes at both ends of the spectrum? Whether the participants believed that the person giving instructions had both the authority to give the directions and the willingness to accept responsibility for the outcome. Additionally – significantly – if the participants and their learning partners were in the same room or were connected in some way during the experiment (either remotely, via telephone, or physically, by holding hands), the participants became much less willing to continue with the shocks.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this experiment these past few days. I’m interested in why we say yes, why we are inclined to agree and follow and comply, even when we know that doing so could cause harm. But I’m equally interested in why we say no.

What is the spark, the catalyst that causes us to choose direction? What makes us decide which path to take?

Some people scoff at Mr. Rogers and the kindness he represents. I’ve heard him called weak, unrealistic; a passive idealist, simple and boring. I get it; if you’re looking for quick, decisive action, the kind of action that might be necessary to ensure safety and order, to deliver speedy results and unequivocal outcomes, Mr. Rogers isn’t the first name that comes to mind.

But – he’s beloved. Countless people find comfort, wisdom, guidance and strength in his words and example – and in the voices and choices of so many others like him – especially in times of conflict, pain, sadness, worry.

There are reasons why we turn to these leaders, why we listen to them and consider them to be role models. Personally, I believe it’s because we recognize (sometimes consciously, sometimes instinctively) how deeply we are influenced by empathy and trust. We know that vulnerability requires strength and that there is power in human connection.

Most of us want to choose the path that ends with a good outcome. I’m grateful for those who help me see my options as I figure out which direction I want to go.


Categories
Life

Lead

Today’s cuppa is brought to you by the word lead.

From Merriam-Webster:

Lead: To guide something or someone along a way; to go at the head of; to be first in or among; to bring to some conclusion or condition; to tend toward or have a result.

Also from Merriam-Webster:

Lead: A soft, heavy metallic element.

Two words, spelled exactly alike. One is a verb, one is a noun. One is typically associated with meaningful action, with forward motion and responsibility. The other describes something that is often used to cover or separate.

I like the fact that two words can be so alike, yet so different. Context and meaning matter, and the applicable word is based on our decisions regarding how, when, where, and why.

As with music, the melody of language is influenced by how we choose to play the notes, and how we interpret the sounds.